


a quintessential love, the kind only you can provide

by leevee



Series: lovestruck lionhearts [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Canon Compliant, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Homesick Allura (Voltron), Homesick Lance (Voltron), M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining Allura (Voltron), Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Lance (Voltron), Polyamorous Character, Self-Sacrifice, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-10-16 02:45:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17541170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leevee/pseuds/leevee
Summary: Of all human that ever lived in this universe, Allura was glad to meet Lance first. After all, if they compete for the "Most Observant Paladin" award, he would definitely beat her, and she had telepathic space mice in her disposal!---or, Lance and Allura are polyamorous, and in love with each other, and also with their respective monogamous half-Galran boys. They understand each other perfectly.





	a quintessential love, the kind only you can provide

**Author's Note:**

> In [my previous work](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17254418), I had mentioned that I want an interaction between polyamorous Allura and Lance. They're in love with two people at the same time, and they understood each other, that's why their relationship works.
> 
> I headcanoned that Allura's magic was basically her, transferring her own quintessence a.k.a. life force. She had no home, she had nothing to lose, she was ready to sacrifice her life. In a way, she's a little bit suicidal, maybe?
> 
> Also, this work will contain a lot of repetition, as in poetry-ish paragraphs. They were intentional, they were poetic, and I want to differ my style on writing Keith and Allura, thus this happened.
> 
> Please enjoy!

This was how Allura began to notice Lance: she was finally got out from the cryopod, image of Father leaving was still burning in her mind, and body caught by another man.

But he wasn’t just a man. He has no marks and... what kind of ears are  _ those? _

“Your ears, they’re...  _ hideous.” _

Father would be mad with the way she handled her first contact with human, another sentient race who started existing when she was freezing safely in Arus, but that rocky encounter marked the beginning of her most adventurous phoebs with Voltron.

Of all human that ever lived in this universe, Allura was glad to meet Lance first.

* * *

Here’s the thing about living in a war as a young woman and the last princess of a dead planet: the universe would never be kind as to give her a proper rest.

There would be breaks, and sleep time, and trainings, and her subconsciousness would take over her reflects, letting her going through routines and for a moment she’ll be so happy not having to  _ think. _ But that was because her mind was used for strategies and diplomatic meetings and preparation for said meetings.

Allura wished she had more time to think about herself.

Then Lance threw another pick-up lines and Keith would subtly show his jealousy and she wished so badly that the Blue and Red Paladin would stop their stupid rivalry and just started dating because she’ll prefer overexposure to PDAs over this  _ oh Ancients please don’t start another food fight! _

And maybe, the universe was kind for not letting her thinking about romance when she herself couldn’t afford any time for romance.

Or maybe she was just distracting herself, keeping her away from potential romantic relationship with the Paladins by wasting her breaks observing her teammates, because she has to be the face of Altea everyone needed to see, because she had to bury her feelings and be responsible like Father had always wanted her to be.

* * *

(Shiro was gone, Father was gone, and oh dear any higher beings residing in higher plane, the free-spirited Allura never wanted to govern, so please stop forcing her to be the queen everyone wanted her to be!)

“Allura? The meeting is in a few doboshes.”

(Deep breath. Lock down every desire to fly away and bear the heavy crown that grounds, Allura, you are the sole ruler now.)

“Yes, Coran.”

* * *

Keith was always the hothead of the team, but he never exploded  _ this much. _

Allura nudged towards Lance who, hopefully, would be able to talk him down as he was probably the only one equipped with proper interpersonal skill. Hunk could only do diplomacy when all parties had their stomach satisfied, and it wouldn’t work on Keith, so she hoped Lance could set aside their rivalry for the sake of the team.

It went so easily, and for the first time Allura saw him at a different light (it didn’t last too long, because they were at war and battles were always enough to do damage to their mental health, enough to pull another Aesop amnesia, enough to erase beautiful sights from long-term memory storage).

* * *

Shiro was found, and the team finally realized Keith and Lance was co-leading Voltron together and no one had ever co-leading anything before because, Ancients, Shiro was definitely never born to co-lead with anyone. Not even his so-called little brother.

(Or maybe something was wrong with him? Another PTSD? Allura could not bother, Allura had zero time to dwell on hypothesis, Allura had other paladins and Coran to be taken care of, Allura had a war to win.)

Keith went back to the team with hardened jaws and eyes filled with determination, but there was no trace of hatred on his sleeve, Allura was sure of that. No, seeing Keith was like seeing her trying to delete Father’s hologram, chanting  _ let me be brave let me be brave _ to outnumber the gnawing evil in her head. It was Keith trying to do what he thought was good for the team but deep down he was scared.

And Allura wished she could help, because she saw longing gazes and constricted chest for certain Red Paladin with wide smile. She saw a budding juniberry getting cut before it could bloom and the potential, oh, couldn’t she do anything to make it beautiful?

“Please watch him for me,” he said them softly with visible pain.

“I will,” and she failed.

* * *

Over the months without Keith in the Castle, Lance has become more isolated. Hunk gravitated towards Pidge and inventing stuff, while the rest focused on how to expand the Voltron Coalition. The only time Allura saw the Red Paladin was when they were rehearsing for the shows. Or when she entered the training room right after he end the training sequence.

“It’s all yours, Princess,” he lowered his back into a sweet salute with sweet voice and eyes that sadly didn’t reflect the same sweetness.

“Thank you, Lance,” she smiled and wished there were something she could do for her comrade. Or maybe, if she wasn’t emotionally tired, she could offer him to train together.

Maybe next time.

* * *

“There’s a reason why the Blue Lion choose you.”

The Aesop amnesia had finally broken.

“You can do this.”

Allura closed her eyes and listen to Lance’s voice. Every sound wave formed wings to let her fly, every vibration tethered her to reality, every kindness seeped into her quintessence and  _ amplify her everything _ .

Was this what Keith felt when Lance comforted him, right after the Black Lion chose him? No wonder the half-Galran had fallen hard for said boy. Because at this moment,  Allura could feel his reassuring current helping her floating above all their problems.

“You are the heart of Voltron.”

Allura knew better. The heart of Voltron should be Lance.

(Keith knew, too. Maybe that’s why he left.)

* * *

Lance’s bayard turned into an Altean broadsword right when Allura was reminded about her promise to Keith and desperately looking for an activity they both could spend together. The timing was so perfect, his adaptability was so perfect, he was so perfe—

The truth and the war scared her, so she set her heart on platonic mode.

But while using Altean alchemy felt like throwing her lifespan away, saving Lance’s life felt like being saved from drowning, like giving and taking equally, and Allura couldn’t help but wanting  _ more. _

* * *

There were a couple things Allura discovered when she was a teenager, long before Honerva got sick and the universe went south: first, she was a demisexual. That was why she took her time to trust Lotor, and a little bit longer to fall for him. The knowledge, records of journeys, mementos from galaxies, seeing them made her adventurous heart ache for another experience, and Lotor indulge that side bit by bit until the door towards her heart opened just fine.

Kissing him felt like venturing the sea, blazing to the sky. It felt right and satisfying (but not really).

Two: Allura was polyamorous.

Her first polyamory relationship was a success because her partners were just like her; polyamorous and demisexual. Best friends fell for each and every single one of them, and she cried frozen tears when Father put her into the cryopod.

When her mice told her the extent of Lance’s feeling, Allura wasn’t surprised with the blooming imaginary juniberries in her chest. He was a constant, a steady rock, always available for sword-training or braiding or strategy inputs while everything crumbled down. Loving Lance felt like home: safe and secure and warm. It felt right and satisfying (but not really).

“Lura, have you notice how Red Paladin looked at you? I... kind of dislike it.”

“But, Lotor, you look at me that way, too.”

“I still dislike it, when it’s not me who look at you that way.”

Allura was observant enough to know that Lotor was monogamous. All Galran and their halflings she knew, they mate for life. Bringing Lance into their relationship would be disastrous, not to mention her boyfriend’s status as The Galra Emperor loathed by her own teammates.

She wept for the almost perfect, because almost couldn’t fill the empty spaces in her chest.

* * *

“This is my fault. I trusted Lotor.”

Half-truth. No matter the outcome, Allura never regret working together with Lotor and dating him in secret. But Lance, hopeless romantic Lance didn’t need to know that yet.

“Let me tell you, as someone who's made a million mistakes.”

The Red Paladin’s voice was as soothing as the breeze, calming her racing heart and racing thoughts. The innocent not-so-platonic part of her feelings bloomed even brighter. At least, when things went south, Allura had her beloved anchoring her down, and she couldn’t be more grateful than this.

“All you can do is get up and try to make it right.”

Lance offered his arms, and Allura melt into warm, pure love. Thank you, huge heart hopelessly in love with two people at the same time.

Wait a minute, though. Wasn’t this Lance’s words of encouragement when Keith made his fatal mistakes as Black Paladin?

Dear Ancients, Allura might have hopes that they were more similar than ever...

“This is Keith.”

Lance jumped, eyes brightened when the video transmission popped out, screaming love love love with his whole being. “Keith! You’re okay!”

In the midst of ache, Allura smirked. Yup, they’re totally similar in this thing.

* * *

“Allura, we gotta go now.”

No, please no.

Not this way.

Ancients, universe, why can’t she have nice things?

Hadn’t she done enough? Sacrificing her dreams to represent a non-existent planet, confining her desire to lead a bunch of magical lions, and now she had to face the worst break up in her life just because the ultimate source of power, capable of corrupting the softest heart?

Her boyfriend didn’t deserve this. Hell,  _ no one _ deserve this! Not even Zarkon!

“Lotor made his choice.”

No. He didn’t asked to be corrupted. His parents didn’t ask to be corrupted. No one asked for this kind of tragedy, so please don’t force her to leave Lotor behind no please let her save him let her save him one more time—

She glanced up and found Voltron’s right arm in her sight.

Lance.

Him. Keith, who had just come back. And the rest of paladins. Even if they were her responsibilities, those awesome people had a piece of her heart, too. Especially Lance. She could save them and save herself from even bigger heartbreak.

“Let’s get out of here, Allura.”

The despair could hit her later, much later. For now, let’s save Allura’s beloved.

(Would Father be proud to see how responsible her daughter had become?)

* * *

The night before they lifted off to begin their space road trip, Lance asked Allura to come with him, just the two of them. She tried to empty her mind. It’s okay, Lance won’t hurt her, she deserved to be comforted again...

And oh, Father, he did so well.

This time, an uninterrupted hug. Soft thumbs circling her back with as much comfort as she need. Warm chest as a stronghold, hair ruffles out of consolation, heartbeats of assurance.

“It’s okay if you want to cry, I won’t look. We’ve been through a very hard battle, and a very tragic outcome. You’re allowed to be not okay, Allura, just don’t bottle everything up...”

Lance was safety, so Allura cried her heart out until she couldn’t anymore.

“Lance,” she hiccuped, “I like him... I like him so much...”

“I understand, Allura, I understand.”

“He didn’t deserve to be left behind, he deserved the world, he deserved happiness! Yet I couldn’t give it to him!”

“Just let it all out, it’s okay.”

The lump in her throat was begging to be let out, and Allura complied, because even though this was meant to be said on special occasion, that lovely day would never come again.

“Lance, I love him... I love Lotor...”

(And I love you, too, and am I selfish to need both of you? Is this my punishment?)

* * *

Allura forgot who pitched the idea first, but somehow they ended with a schedule to watch over the journey, two paladins at a time. Whoever that person was, they must have had another obvious reason: bonding time between paladins.

Hunk was an expert of taking selfies with the mice, and he taught them some poses (rad pose, as Lance called them). Pidge offered her chances to have proper girl talks with someone who wasn’t obsessed with makeup and skincare and gossip (they already had Lance for that). Instead, their session were mostly filled with easy conversations.

Lance, dear lovely Lance, had a lot of stories and activities to do. He was the expert at reading mood and it left Allura wonder when he left, how observant she was against the Red Paladin?

With him, she could talk about Lotor (“Zero judgement guaranteed!”) which helped a lot. Lance never pressured her to forget, or to hate any sweet kisses they shared, or to invest in her anger. Instead, they shared their honest opinions together.

“I still think you were overreacting when Romelle handed out the truth,” Lance popped a comment after quite some silence. “I mean, we need to look at his background, too. Lotor was born after Zarkon got corrupted. He once tried to treat his people right, but his jerkass dad kind of punished him for that. Obviously, there’s no room for peaceful ways, right?”

Allura nodded.

“I think, he’s not evil. Just... morally grey? Which was expected, after you lived under the reign of a corrupted leader for 10,000 phoebs.”

“I’m still mad, though. To imagine the pain that my people had to go through...”

“Remember, he was alone in his mission and had like, zero support. He only managed to find Oriande because of you. You’re basically like, a beacon of hope to him? Finally, he didn’t have to torture his people anymore!”

“His people?”

“Um, Allura, he’s half-Altean. Your people is also his people, too.”

“But he’s half—”

“—if we’re using the same logic, you have to remember when Keith’s parentage got revealed. You immediately associated him with the Galrans, even though he’s an innocent halfling. Besides, Lotor’s their leader, and they had never saw you, which means they’re more  _ his _ people than  _ your _ people.”

“Ugh, Lance...”

“Admit it, Allura, you were emotionally overwhelmed that time.”

A blush made their way towards her ears. “... you’re right. Totally. I was overreacting.”

Lance smiled softly. “That doesn’t mean your anger wasn’t valid, though. It’s okay to be mad. You just need to control your actions better.”

The Altean took a deep breath and immersed into the lightness their conversation had made her feel. Here lies another reason why she fell deeper in love with Lance: that no matter how much infatuated he was towards her, those blue eyes could still judge her character and point out her flaws.

Ancients, forgive her for being too late to find her courage, but let her said it out loud in her mind: Lance was so  _ perfect _ .

* * *

The day she finally had to confront Keith could not come any sooner.

But it went as smooth as possible. They addressed as many important notes as possible, and in the end they found camaraderie as victims of the Cuban’s charm.

It’s funny, how she used to be amazed with the Galrans and their advances back in Daibazaal, how wonder quickly replaced with toxic blind hatred, and yet it was a halfling who cradled her love and a halfling who lead her into her long-awaited journey.

Wait. Long-awaited journey through space, with trustworthy best friends and noble mission? Allura from 10,000 years ago, do tell her, wasn’t this a dream come true?

(Maybe the universe had begun to pay her deeds back.)

* * *

She half-lied to Keith, telling him that Lotor offered her peaceful reign as the one thing her heart desired. Half-lied, because peaceful reign meant she could leave her post behind to travel far.

So when Keith asked, “Is there any chance you develop a crush on Lance?” she gave him half-truth. Dear Black Paladin, if only he knew the extent of her feelings for his beloved.

“Currently, I don’t think I’m able to be romantically attracted to more than one person at the same time,” Keith admitted. “But you could.”

_ And Lance could, too, _ her mind added.  _ That’s why we got tangled into this mess. _

* * *

“Lance?”

Her watching partner looked up to the screen. “Yeah?”

Allura gulped before asking. “Why did you never ask Keith out?”

There was a simple reason as for why Lance never asked her out: because he gave her space to move on, to make sure about her own feelings (also to stop any kind of denial, because what part of this could be called off as platonic? Stupid war). When she gave him the signal, they would definitely lift off.

But her observer skill couldn’t give her answer as for why Lance never asked  _ him _ out.

The fellow paladin smiled sadly (please stop being sad). “Because I don’t think he could accept me.”

Allura blinked. “What do you mean?”

Out of all paladins, Keith was probably the one who resonated the most with rejection, especially because she once judged him for his race. If he could understand Allura’s feelings for Lotor and her polyamorous heart, why wouldn’t he understand Lance?

Lance sighed. “Allura, I’m ... polyamorous.”

Surprise, she was correct, again.

“And I think you’ve already known who owned my heart, but that’s not the bomb in our current conversation. The point is, I’m in love with two people, but Keith would  _ highly _ probably be the monogamous type. It’s not fair to ask him out when I’m still liking the other person.”

“Was that the thought that hold you back, all this time?”

The boy nodded. “Me, crushing on more than one person at the same time, is valid. Him, liking only one person at one time, is completely valid too. Me and Keith, we just had different values, we shouldn’t change who we are just for a crush. If we do, I don’t think it’ll be a good start for a lasting relationship.”

The white-haired girl couldn’t help but smiling wider. They had almost similar mindset in this term. “I wish I was as mature as you when Lotor asked me out,” she said honestly. “It’ll save us from lots of heartbreaks.”

Lance smiled back. “No, you just wished you didn’t pretend for too long.”

Surprise (again), Allura, he was probably more observant than yourself.

“Yeah, that too.”

* * *

“Allura?”

“Yes, Lance?”

“If I hadn’t lied to myself for too long and asked Keith out before shit happens, do you think he would still leave?”

“Lance, I—”

“I’d like to think that maybe, if I acted fast enough, he would accept me and we would be happily together and he wouldn’t leave. Or maybe he would talk to me about it, and we would have this long distance relationship, and when he came back, it would be as if we were never apart. Anything that could make us happy.”

Blame her for being slightly selfish, but Lance needed to realize.

“I’m sorry, Lance, but I believe you want everyone to be happy, right? Not only Keith, but  _ all of us. _ And that includes you, too.”

“... yes.”

“Then you already knew the answer. No matter how much we daydream, there’s no way to make everyone happy, Lance. We could only savor what we can have.”

Because no matter how they ended up with their respective half-Galran beloved, as long as there were differences this massive, nobody would ever be truly happy.

(Or maybe there were happier alternatives in another realities, but at least not this one.)

* * *

At the Garrison, everybody had home to go back to. Everyone, except for the Alteans like herself.

In space, they were close for the same reason: they were so far away from home, they could be homesick together, they were drawn together with that very same reason. Here, on Earth, they would definitely drifted apart, going back to what they used to do, and Allura would be left with nothing but memories to reminisce with and  _ Ancients it hurts why impending friendship breakup always hurts please stop _ — 

“Um, Allura, care to join me at my family dinner?”

She withdrawn, taking care of the Alteans on Earth just to have this little semblance of home that would never satisfy, drowning in tasks and meetings that she almost blind, that she almost didn’t realize that  _ she _ was the one who drifted apart. And Lance pulled her back, perfect Lance that made her surroundings felt like home and made her heart beat again and—

“I’d love to.” (I love you.)

* * *

Tomorrow, IGF-Atlas left to defend the universe. Tonight, Lance and Allura had a night stroll at a dead park.

“It used to be so beautiful, but now the war had destroy it. I wish you were here to see the best of it...”

His eyes looked a little bit sorrowful, so Allura decided to throw another lifespan away to revive his beloved garden and Lance was right, this park was so pretty. So suitable to be a date location.

Lance still frown, though. “You know you don’t have to revive this park again.”

Allura pulled her lips into a thin line. “But you love this park.”

“Well, yeah, I do love it, but you don’t have to throw away your quintessence just for... this. You need them to live!”

Oops, busted.

The blue-eyed boy held her hand gently, running his thumb with a soothing motion. “Allura, I want you to know this: when we get back to Earth again, you have a home here. Altea might be gone, but you can choose Earth as your home, too. We’ll be here for you. My family already likes you too, they already consider you as a part of our family.”

He stared at her with the gentlest glint, as if they contained a thousand fireflies, so bright. “You are not alone,” he said, and Allura believed.

“This might be the first date, but you have to know, Allura, I love you.”

“Even if...”

“Even if you still love Lotor, just like how I still love Keith for these past two years?” The boy put her hand on his chest. “Yes, Allura, I want you just the same. And I hope you want me, too.”

“Oh, Lance,” she beamed softly, with a kind of happiness she never felt after travelling through the quintessence field with Lotor. “I love you too.”

Keith was right. They were the two people who understood each other the most, the two people who deserved to be happy the most, no matter how incomplete their happiness might be. When Lance cradled her cheeks and touched their foreheads together, Allura banished all depressive thoughts and melted into the kiss.

It felt like adventures, with assurance of home to rest whenever she wanted.

* * *

Lotor could convinced her and she would never budge, that was for sure. He was dead. Gone. A hallucination, just like how these past two years had been.

But when Haggar made Lance appeared, her legs felt so  _ weak _ .

How long would she become a burden to her boyfriend? With her negative thoughts and heroism out of suicidal motivation, asking for needy touches just because she needed to feel anchored, she needed to feel  _ something _ that wasn’t numbness?

To have both of her most beloved, expressing displeasure for not being brave enough to—

Her mind went back to the fight in Oriande. If only she could save both Lotor and Lance, or maybe if she never get involved with any of them, Haggar would be  _ dead by now. _ But the witch wasn’t, and the world would be another dead Olkari, and she would never be enough for both her boys and—

Allura opened her hands, and the entity made her powerful, made her  _ feel. _

(Later the Paladins would be mad, Lance would be mad, and they stopped spending nights naked together, and they stopped calling each other with  _ darlings _ and  _ sweethearts _ and Allura convinced herself that she was fine, but since when she could lie to her own feelings?)

* * *

Haggar looked so desperately for realities where she could be happy with her little family. But in those reality, Allura would never be able to love Lotor properly—she would always saw him as a little kid. And Lance didn’t always love Keith: there were universes where they never met. She felt their disappointments from the Voltron bond and resonated.

When the vast whiteness appeared in front of them, Allura felt the tug. This was it. This was the perfect moment, the perfect time. She felt love, familial love she had long forgotten, for it had been three years since Father’s AI got turned off. Honerva wouldn’t be able to fix everything alone, and this was where she come to help.

The beyond was calling her home, just like how Lance’s hugs almost felt like.

The white-haired Altean turned her back towards the Paladin, and saw Keith’s face. The leader, he knew all along, probably from his journey in Quantum Abyss two years ago. But the rest of them were trying to process the facts before she said anything.

Lance’s gaze screamed  _ I knew it! _

“I believed this is where we part ways.”

She moved towards them, every step felt lighter than the previous ones, every step felt  _ right. _ There’s no fear in letting go (only a wish that she could have said goodbye to Coran).

To Hunk, the bravest and the kindest.

To Pidge, the smartest and the most curious.

To Shiro, the most mature and the most charismatic.

To Keith, the gentlest and the most openhearted. Number one fanboy who could fulfill his promise, unlike her.

To Lance, the heart of Voltron. Who let his tears fall from the start because he always stayed true to himself, who loved two people with his whole being, who was going to have his heart broken again by the same person the umpteenth time.

“Allura, you’re too important to me.” It was truth, coming out from his lips, and Allura still believed.

“And I want you to be happy,” she told him. “In this universe, where you and Keith love each other.”

Lance smiled a bit. “Where you and Lotor love each other, for eternity.” He blinked to remove some tears and asked, “Is he there, darling? In the beyond?”

Allura nodded. “Yes, sweetheart. Rest assure, I’ll be happy.” She linked her fingers to his. “You should too. Don’t mourn for me too long. It took me our whole space road trip to move on, you should take less than that. Be happy when you step out back to Earth.”

“Okay. I’ll start when we get back to Atlas. And I’ll be so happy, living the rest of my life with Keith, that you wished you had asked me out  _ first.” _

Oh, Lance, never lose his charm, not in farewells. Allura giggled. “And when the time comes, we’ll be with each other again. No jealousy guaranteed.”

“Just love?”

“Just love. And contentment.”

His smile grew wider. “I guess that promise is good enough for me.”

She kissed him, tracing his salty lips, intending to transfer the Mark of The Chosen where her quintessence would reside. In a way, he would feel her all the time, he would feel her love, he would be  _ with her.  _ Just until they met again, in the beyond.

“I love you, Lance sweetheart, and I always will.”

His eyes shone with belief. “I love you too, Allura darling.”

Her beloved teasingly nudged her shoulder towards her beloved, and Allura walked away with steps lighter than feather. Father, Mother, the best friends she used to be in love with... Lotor was waiting for her.

This reality was okay enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Most of the description of polyamorous character was from my own experience of having crushes on two people at once, and also from Google. There might be mistakes, though, so please comment below if there is anything I need to fix ^_^
> 
> Also, I miss writing in repetitions. Allura's POV was really fun!


End file.
